Vacation!

Ok. So sorry that I have been away from you for so long. Not sure that you care, but anyways...I'm back! I had a wonderful old friend from back in the day come visit for the better part of two weeks. It was FANTASTIC! It was so good to see her and visit with her and get to know her all over again. As the years have passed we've both had some life changes, and we grew a little apart just from distance and a lack of communication. Well, being around each other constantly for almost two weeks definitely solved that! It was so good! She has always been (and always will be) one of those friends that I can call at two in the morning and she'll answer her phone and talk. Just plain awesomeness! She is an amazing woman who possesses an amazing beauty. Everything she touches seems to glow with life. I am very lucky to have her to call friend. I can learn a lot from her, and hope that we are given many more years of friendship so that I have the opportunity to do that learning. She has two amazing gifts that I will mention: Love and Faith. Love for everyone and everything that crosses her path. And Faith in the basic truth that everyone has good in them, no matter how well they are able to conceal it. So there you have it. That is the woman that I know as one of my best friends.

Llamas are Mammas Too

Today is one of the very few times over that past several years that I have wished to be away from my precious children. Seriously, I can count on one hand the times that I have wished this. There are so many precious moments that I would have missed if I wasn't here. All those hugs and sticky kisses. The helping hands. The beautiful artwork that decorates most of the house. The foot and hand prints that never seem to disappear. All of those wonderful moments. I love all this, but sometimes... Sometimes I just want a day to converse with adults who see me as an adult as well, not just a mother of two beautiful children. Don't get me wrong, I would never ever trade my kids in. Ever. I would never think of trading in my job title either. I love being a mom. But the rules of society are such that I cannot be seen as smart when I have my children with me. Yes, that angers me. It appalls me. It makes me want to scream epithets at those people who voice that opinion in my direction. But, they won't listen. Because I'm a mom. Yes, I'm a mother. And it hurts me when people treat me like an idiot simply because that is what I am. My normal reply to those people: where would you be if it wasn't for your mother?

Something for Everyone

I don't miss the days of high school or the years of children free life. I don't miss the lack of responsibility or the feeling that I need to impress. I love my life, husband, kids, and dog. I do miss a couple things though. I miss the wide open spaces of wheat fields waving in the wind. Watching the fog roll in over the fields. I miss the difference of the smells of harvest dust and gravel dust and regular old dirt being kicked up from a plow. The feeling that I could run and run and run for miles and miles and not run into anything. Knowing that I was alone with the wind and the smells and my dog, 'cause there was so much nothing that I could hear everything. Listening to the whisper in the night as the breeze stole softly by bringing the sweet scent of nearly ripened wheat in through the open window. I miss the openness, the stark beauty in the nothingness. The fast sunrises and even quicker sunsets. There was so much space, the land didn't have room to waste on frivolities. There was no softness. The sunrises and sunsets were fantastic, but if you did not catch them, then you lost. None were quite the same. Each was subtly different. Here there is beauty in it's own right. The trees are all tall and beautiful. Each one growing and finding a place to reach for the sun. The smell of the blossoming trees on the breeze is intoxicating. The grass is always green, without any effort. And the flowers bloom in profusion all summer long. But the beauty here is very very different. It is soft and smooth, like velvet and silk. Slightly sophisticated. The kind of beauty that you would enjoy with a cute dress and styled hair. The beauty that I miss is the slightly rough version. The work hard, sweat hard, play hard. Sitting back and enjoying a sunset because you know you put in a full day and you earned the right to set back. The slightly gritty beauty that comes in a pair of work jeans, muddy boots, and stained shirt. I miss dirt.

Sick Day

So. After a day of many loads of laundry, the normal cleaning chores, and meal time stuff, I am finally sitting on my bed. Exhausted. Mr O caught the flu and was sick last night and most of the morning. Poor kid. I hate laundry, and I hate the smell of vomit (who doesn't?!), but my poor little guy was feeling so icky. We snuggled and read books. Snuggled and watched a couple movies. And he snuggled with big bear when he decided he wanted to take a nap (I'm not good enough to snuggle with at nap time anymore). I don't like the kids being sick, but I sure do love those snuggles! Compliments to Libbie Schille for the photo.

Chocolate Chips

I want the world to be a perfect place. I want my children to grow up in a land of freedom and love. I want the crazy idiots (ie most of the garbage rotting in the prisons and many more who have avoided capture) to spontaneously combust and rid us of their presence. But mostly, mostly I just want those who I love to be happy. I don't really care about the details. I just want them to be happy. I am a happy person, and I want everyone else to feel as good as I feel. It's fun and wonderful and exhilarating to be happy. It's amazing! That feeling that even though life can throw some serious punches your way, that it doesn't matter because the sun still shines on the other side of those clouds. That is what I remind myself on those downer days (yes I have them too). This too shall pass...The sun is still there, even though it is hidden from our view. And even on those darker days, chocolate chip cookies make everything better.

No Calories, No Not One

Years ago, when Handsome and I had just wed, I tried to cook. Well, I failed miserably, and he saw to it that I knew that my cooking abilities needed some help. I took the good natured teasing with as much grace as I could muster, and kept trying. Now I like to think that most of the things that I cook turn out, and those that don't are still edible. Now I know that is just in my head, but I'm an optimist. There was one thing in my cooking ability that was seriously lacking. Something that defied all my attempts and just kept on failing. Cinnimon rolls. No matter what I did, they wouldn't rise, or the syrup would be all at the bottom, or they would be tough. No recipe that I tried made any difference, they still refused to cooperate. Until today. I found a new recipe, Pioneer Woman's Cinnamon Rolls 101. It worked! They turned out! Nice and fluffy, sweetness all throughout, and that glaze...MmmmHmmm! For the first time ever, I succeeded with cinnamon rolls. Now knock on wood that next time will work too.

Stones

I met a man, well boy really, years ago. He was tall, quite thin (I wanted to take him home and feed him though I knew his mother did a great job with that), had red hair, a face full of freckles, and a ready smile. When we first met, he was nice. Polite and friendly. He opened doors, said please and thank you, and even asked if he could carry my books for me a few times (I turned him down flat). Well, this boy and I became friends. Not best friends, just the type of friend that you'd go with a group to see a movie with and then laugh over stupid jokes later at DQ. Then there was a time when he stopped talking to me. I felt the world fall apart around me. I was angry and hurt for weeks. But then, I realised, he was just a friend and I was a big girl. So I went on my merry way, laughing and being my normal self. I even started dating a little by then. I found out quickly that the world of dating had no place in it for me. I was not ready for that. I was still a child, growing, not quite ready for that step. So time slipped by, almost unnoticed. The flowers bloomed and died, and the rains had come again. Then I saw him again. It felt like it had been only moments since the last goodbye. As if he had just walked around the block. And there he was, back. My good friend. We went to a dance with a group of friends, both of us with other dates. They way that he looked at me that night made me want to melt. I think that it was when I finally realised that this man was going to be a part of my life. A big part, whether I liked it or not. It took me quite a while to grow up enough to accept that. And even longer for me to say yes to him. He was patient, kind, and generous. Moonlight walks in the park, not holding hands or kissing, just walking and talking, being friends. By then he was my best friend, my confidante. When things went wrong in other areas of my life, he is the one that I turned to. And he cared. We spent countless hours on the phone. He was still patient. He moved to a different town and would wake me in the morning with a phone call. Even miles apart, the concern, and something else I couldn't name, was there. Then I was confronted with a choice. The hardest choice I had ever made in my life. I had to choose between this wonderful man and another wonderful man. Yes, I had two men in my life then (still do). I had to make the choice to give up the man who had loved me for my whole life, or the man that wanted me to be his wife. That is a choice that I wouldn't wish on anyone. That is a scar on my heart that will probably never completely heal. I made my choice and packed my bags. I left in the middle of the night. I left everything and everyone, didn't even say goodbye. I didn't know where I was going or what reception I would get. Just that my heart was bursting with joy on the one side, and mourning a terrible loss on the other. Time passed and healed the scar a little. My wonderful man and I wed without my father's blessing, but still with happiness. On that wonderful day, I looked into his green eyes and knew that here was the man who I could and would keep forever. And now here we are, living our love. He is my other half, the better half. Without him...I am empty. He just is. And I'm not sure that he knows, but I loved him from the beginning. That very first budding of friendship. He is, was, and always will be my love.